What does Self-Compassion have to do with Trauma?

How do you practice self-compassion skills when you've been traumatized?

I am a firm believer that anxiety, depression, addiction and substance abuse comes partly from traumatic experiences. (If you haven’t seen or heard Dr.Gabor Maté, check him out).

Most of us treat ourselves rather poorly when bad things happen to us. Most of us would state that they wouldn’t treat others the way we treat ourselves.

Sometimes when very bad things happen to us, we go even further and attack ourselves from all angles. I am bad because of this and this happened because I am bad.

From here we can disassociate ourselves, we may try drugs or alcohol to numb ourselves or even self-injure. And no matter how hard we try, we simply get “trapped” in our heads and struggle with reoccurring intrusive thoughts, memories, nightmares and flashbacks. From which creates a vicious cycle thus persisting and even amplifying the trauma, but it’s not your fault. 

This is simply how our brain is wired. It is in survival mode and our survival often depends on our ability to fight, flee or freeze when we perceive external danger. Although when threatened internally with intense emotions such as shame, this flight-flee-freeze mechanish turns into self-criticism, self-isolation, and self-absorption. 

But here’s the good news.

We also have the ability to respond to our suffering in a soothing and healing manner, self-compassion. 

The Dalai Lama defines compassion as “an openess to suffering with the wish to relieve it,” and self-compassion is that same attitude directed toward oneself. 

According to Kristin Neff and Christopher K Germer,

Self-Compassion has three main components:

Self-kindness entails being warm and caring toward ourselves when things go wrong in our lives. 

Common humanity recognizes the shared nature of suffering when difficult situations arise, rather than feeling desperately alone.

Mindfulness refers to the ability to open to painful experience with nonreactive, balanced awareness.

Kristin Neff and Christopher K. Germer see these three components of self-compassion as the opposite of our typical reaction to internal threat, self criticism, self-isolation, and self-absorption.

I loved how it was describe here, self-compassion is a healthy , alternative response to trauma. Self-kindness can have a calming effect on autonomic hyperarrousal, common humanity is an antidote to hiding in shame, and balanced, mindful awareness allows us to disentangle ourselves from intrusive memories and feelings. 

In my practice, I put a lot of emphasis on compassion focused therapy whether trauma has occurred or not, because we can all be a little kinder with ourselves regardless.

Your ‘easy to talk to’ therapist,

Kimberly Castle R.T.C

Kimberly Castle is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor with a private practice in beautiful Kelowna, BC. She focuses on empowering individuals in all areas of their life. In her practice she works with individuals who have experienced trauma related symptoms, anxiety and depression. She also offers couples counselling and enjoys working with couples to expand their relationships.